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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607670">Old friend</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletOrchid/pseuds/VioletOrchid'>VioletOrchid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Three nights with Suayeon [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe, Cunnilingus, Drunk Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Smut, Strap-Ons, Tribbing, Vaginal Fingering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:55:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletOrchid/pseuds/VioletOrchid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The setting is loosely inspired by Hayley Kiyoko's Girls Like Girls music video, but Bora is scared of her feelings.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Surprise! Several commenters wanted to know what happens next and my own thoughts kept coming back to this story too, so it’s no longer a one-shot. :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Three nights with Suayeon [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>297</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bora and Siyeon have been best friends since the beginning of middle school. They sat next to each other by chance on the first day of school and have been inseparable since. In their last year of high school, things started to change. Bora started dating a jock called Jaehyun. Their relationship was rocky from the start, as Jaehyun was caught making out with another girl just two weeks after making things official with Bora. Bora didn't seem to mind too much though, and they never broke up no matter how bad he was treating her. Siyeon was becoming more and more upset with seeing her best friend constantly mistreated by her boyfriend. It was obvious he didn't appreciate and respect her the way he should have.</p><p>Things really took a turn for the worse when Jaehyun started drinking too much. One time, after a heated argument near the end of their last semester, he beat Bora up to the point where she broke her nose. Jaehyun took no responsibility and it was Siyeon that took Bora to the hospital and held her hand through the pain and tears. She was tired of seeing her friend get hurt by this asshole. She deserved so much better.</p><p>A few weeks later, they were sitting on Bora's bed and she was crying again. He had broken yet another promise. Siyeon held her in a tight hug, not knowing how long she could bear seeing her friend get hurt like this.</p><p>"Bora... I think you should break up with him."</p><p>"What are you talking about? I love him."</p><p>"You're not happy, Bora. Everyone can see that."</p><p>"Do you think you know how I feel better than I do?" Bora was getting agitated.</p><p>"All I know is you deserve so much better..." Siyeon held her hand and kissed her forehead.</p><p>"Get your hands off me. I'm not gay. If that's where this is coming from then please leave."</p><p>Siyeon started tearing up. She was just trying to look out for her friend and in return she's being attacked with her biggest secret, one that she'd had a hard time accepting herself.</p><p>Siyeon realized she's into girls in middle school. Bora was the only person she told, and she understood. Bora made it very clear that it's okay, as long as Siyeon doesn't develop feelings for her. In reality, Siyeon had developed feelings for her long before Jaehyun came into the picture. She cared about Bora deeply, and little by little, that caring and love they shared as friends was mixed with a crush. She never confronted Bora about it, but there were moments when she couldn't help but wonder if Bora knew or felt the same way. Like when they were doing each other's makeup and ended up staring at each other's lips for a bit too long. Or when they had sleepovers and stole glances at each other changing into their pyjamas. She didn't want to assume anything, however. Being gay herself was already hard enough to deal with without dragging her best friend into it too.</p><p>But here she was, being accused for making a move on Bora, when all she tried to do was comfort her friend. She couldn't see Bora get hurt anymore, but she wasn't letting her help.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Bora. I'll leave if you want me to." Tears were streaming down her face at this point. Bora gave no response so she walked away and left. Luckily she didn't bump into Mrs. Kim on the way out. She couldn't go straight home either, so she just kept walking until her tears ran out.</p><p>The next day at school, Bora seemed really sad. Siyeon wasn't able to find a chance for them to talk in peace until the break before their last period.</p><p>"Bora, let's go outside. We need to talk."</p><p>Surprisingly, Bora agreed. They walked behind the school to a quiet place no one ever went.</p><p>"Bora, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just want you to be happy." Siyeon just wanted to make things right between them again. She didn't care if Bora wanted to stay with that idiot, she'd be there to comfort her every time.</p><p>"I know. And you're right, I'm not happy."</p><p>"Are you saying you'll break up with him?"</p><p>"What I'm saying is..." Bora looked at the ground.</p><p>"Yes..?"</p><p>"Siyeon, I need to tell you..." Bora wasn't able to finish her sentence.</p><p>"What is it, Bora?" Siyeon could see Bora's distress and she took her hands to reassure her.</p><p>"Siyeon, I-"</p><p>Siyeon could see Bora lose her inner battle, but she didn't expect what came next.</p><p>In one quick movement, Bora let go of her hands, brought them up to hold Siyeon's face and kissed her. She kissed her so desperately, as if her life depended on it. Siyeon was stunned for a few moments, before finally closing her eyes and kissing her back. The way Bora kissed her was hungry and demanding, which startled Siyeon. This was what she'd secretly wanted all these years, right? But not like this. She was 19 years old, but this was her first kiss. It was supposed to be gentle and sweet. Not to mention Bora was still in a relationship with someone else. Nothing would have made Siyeon happier than to have Bora as her girlfriend, but this wasn't right. Siyeon tried to gently push her away, but Bora didn't back down. Instead she brought her hands to roughly grope Siyeon's chest through her shirt.</p><p>This was the first time that Bora was finally able to show the feelings that were hidden inside her. The feelings that had been secretly blooming for all these years. She was scared that if she stopped now, she'd never be able to let those feelings out again. She couldn't stop. Siyeon kept kissing her back, but tried to push her away again and Bora felt like she had to try even harder or she'd lose this one chance, this one leap of faith. She felt like she'd drown if she did.</p><p>"Bora, what are you-" Siyeon widened her eyes in suprise as Bora got down on her knees. Bora used one hand to lift up Siyeon's skirt and the other to pull her panties to the side.</p><p>Siyeon was frozen in shock, both by her friend's sudden actions and at the realization that she's exposed in public. Bora's moment of hesitation gave her time to regain her composure and as she was about to lean in, Siyeon reached down to gently but firmly push her head back.</p><p>"Bora, stop."</p><p>Bora looked up at her, her expression filled with a mix of desperation, anger and sadness.</p><p>"Bora, we have to stop."</p><p>Bora lowered her head, fixed Siyeon's panties and let her skirt fall back in place. She got up and walked away without a word. Siyeon didn't know how to feel. This was everything she wanted, but it was happening the wrong way. She dropped to her knees to cry and didn't go back to school that day.</p><p>Bora went straight home. She immediately regretted what happened. She wasn't gay. She had a boyfriend, for fuck's sake. Why did she let her friend influence her like this? She should have ditched Siyeon as soon as she found out about her tendencies. She felt utterly disgusted with herself.</p><p>Bora avoided Siyeon for the remaining weeks of high school. Siyeon held out a small hope that Bora would break up with Jaehyun to be with her, or that they'd at least keep being best friends. She tried to reach out to Bora a few times, but she wouldn't even look at her. Everyone wondered why the previously inseparable pair were not attached by the hip anymore, but neither of them would tell what happened. They were going to different colleges anyway. They never spoke to each other after that day.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p>Five years later, present day</p><p>Bora's still getting over her ex, yet another asshole she thought she could change. She's just finished doing her makeup and getting dressed up in tight, high-waisted jean shorts and a white crop top. She's about to go out with Minji, her roommate and best friend from college who always knows how to make her feel better.</p><p>"Ready to forget about that pig?" Minji asks with her signature bright smile.</p><p>"You know I am." Bora smiles back.</p><p>Thank god for Minji. She doesn't know what she'd do without her.</p><p>They take an uber to get to a recently opened club they've never been to. Tonight all they want to do is to have a good time and not pay a single thought to any guys, no matter who might try to approach them.</p><p>As they enter the club at 11 PM, there's already a decent amount of people there. The atmosphere is nice. It's not too fancy but not too shabby either. They order their first drinks and sit at the bar.</p><p>"So... I know you're finally starting to get over Chanhyuk" Minji starts, "but can you promise me you won't start dating the next drunken macho guy that tries to flirt with you?"</p><p>Bora chuckles. "I'll try my best. It really hasn't been working out that well for me, has it?"</p><p>"Can't say it has. You really deserve some happiness, and you won't find it if you keep falling into old patterns."</p><p>Bora hums in agreement. She thinks she hears a familiar voice and glances at the person ordering drinks near her. Her jaw drops. No way. It's her former best friend. The one that stood by her for six years no matter what went down. The one she had secret feelings for that she tried her best to hide even from herself. The one she selfishly hurt and left behind because of her own fear...</p><p>She's glad Siyeon hasn't noticed her because she can't help but stare. She looks almost unrecognizable. Her waist-length black hair is styled in messy waves. She has both heavy eye makeup and a red lip on, but it looks good on her. She's wearing knee high boots and a tight, simple black mini dress that shows off her perfect figure. Her legs are long, arms slim and defined, stomach perfectly flat, chest and ass small and perky. Her posture is perfect and the top of her dress shows the tiniest bit of cleavage. She looks like a supermodel and radiates confidence as she jokes with the bartender. Is this the same insecure girl whose heart she probably broke? She feels a pang of guilt in her chest.</p><p>She watches as Siyeon gets her drinks and walks back to her table where her friends are waiting. She doesn't want to go up to talk to her. She couldn't. How could she say she's sorry after all this time? She should have done it years ago. Her mind is flooded with memories from the past. Memories of a sweet, goofy, slightly naive girl with round glasses that used to hide her body in giant hoodies and hold and pinch Bora's hand for comfort. How did that girl turn into an intimidating, confident goddess in just a few short years? All that hidden attraction she felt years ago starts coming back more intense than ever, and it's overwhelming her.</p><p>Minji quietly observes her friend until she asks "Do you know her?"</p><p>Bora snaps out of her thoughts to look at her current best friend.</p><p>"I guess you could say she's a ghost from the past. Nothing more."</p><p>"I guess you don't want to talk about it, then."</p><p>Bora sighs, glancing at Siyeon who thankfully still hadn't noticed her."There's nothing to talk about."</p><p>Bora forces herself to hold a conversation with Minji. It's obvious to both of them that she's distracted, though. It's also obvious that she had more to drink than she usually would as the night progressed. She'd steal glances at her former best friend every now and then. Siyeon was talking and laughing with her friends, occasionally moving to the dance floor with one or several of them, and that's when Bora really tried not to look. How is she so attractive? Suddenly Siyeon looks in her direction and their eyes meet. Bora sees her eyebrows furrow. Didn't she recognize her or is she just not happy to see her?</p><p>They stare at each other for a moment, until Siyeon turns to her friends to say something and starts walking towards Bora. It feels surreal. Bora wants to run away. She had the whole night to think of something to say but here she was, frozen in place as she could only watch the woman get closer. Her gaze is so intense Bora can barely hold it.</p><p>"Long time no see."</p><p>God, even her voice has changed. It's velvety, smooth and slightly deeper than before.</p><p>By some miracle, Bora's able to muster a rational response. "It's really been a while, hasn't it." She notices Siyeon casually glancing at the purple-haired woman she's sitting with. "Oh, this is Minji, my best friend..." She trails off. She feels another pang of something like guilt in her chest. Luckily for her, Siyeon was quick to greet Minji.</p><p>"Hi, nice to meet you. Do you mind if I steal your friend for a dance?"</p><p>A dance? Bora's heart starts racing.</p><p>Minji laughs "She's all yours."</p><p>Bora feels a hand firmly grab her wrist. She looks at it and notices lots of rings and long, well manicured nails. Is she even a lesbian, after all? She has no time to think further as said hand starts pulling her away and she gives Minji an apologetic look. Minji just chuckles to herself and shakes her head. Maybe this is exactly what Bora needs, she thinks and orders another drink for herself.</p><p>Bora is led to the dance floor, where Siyeon faces her, guiding Bora's hands to rest on her shoulders as hers end up on either side of Bora's waist. Siyeon starts swaying her body to the music, not saying a word. I guess this isn't the best place to have a deep conversation, Bora thinks. She follows Siyeon's lead and tries to push aside every thought attempting to invade her mind. Siyeon keeps looking at Bora with that intense wolf gaze. It's as if she's looking straight into her soul. It's too much for Bora's intoxicated brain to handle and she turns around. She immediately feels hands reach around her waist and pull her closer. Her back is pressed flush against Siyeon's front and it feels like her body immediately starts overheating. The hands around her waist drop to firmly grab her hips and guide her to move in sync with the other woman's body. She closes her eyes and decides to let go.</p><p>They keep dancing like this for a while. Bora has no idea if it's been five minutes or an hour. She's already lost herself in the sensation of the hands on her hips and the warm body behind her that fits perfectly into hers. Suddenly she feels a hot breath on her neck, followed by lips pressing a slow kiss against her skin. It sends a shiver down her spine and she slowly stops moving. The lips move higher and place another kiss just behind her ear. She can feel Siyeon inhaling her scent.</p><p>"I've missed you."</p><p>Bora's eyes shoot open. She doesn't know how to feel. She's missed her too. She feels so guilty. Tears start welling in her eyes. She turns around to look at those wolf eyes again. They hold her gaze, seemingly not fazed by the tears threatening to fall any moment. Siyeon suddenly starts walking towards the bathrooms, giving Bora a meaningful look over her shoulder. Fuck it, Bora thinks. She follows.</p><p>She's in the cubicle, her body pressed against the wall by Siyeon's. More kisses are being pressed into her neck. Siyeon pulls away to look her in the eyes, but her gaze quickly drops to Bora's lips. She cups the nape of Bora's neck and claims her lips without asking for permission. The kiss is determined, hungry. Just like the one Bora gave her years ago. There's not a hint of hesitation. The kiss quickly deepens and their tongues start caressing each other. Bora's body still feels too hot. She reaches her hands up Siyeon's back, feeling her well formed muscles. She lets her hands explore her back, waist, ass, thighs. She feels Siyeon shift and place her bare thigh between her legs, applying some pressure. She can't stop herself from grinding against the thigh and involuntarily lets out a moan loud enough to be heard by the girls fixing their makeup outside. Fuck.</p><p>Siyeon covers Bora's mouth with her hand and leans closer to whisper in her ear. "Come home with me." There's no way in hell she'd decline. Not now, not after all these years and all this regret.</p><p>She's now sitting in an uber's backseat. She texted Minji to apologize and tell her she's leaving. Minji will understand, she hopes. The city lights of Seoul flash in front of her eyes as she looks out the window. Her thoughts are interrupted by a warm hand landing on her bare thigh. She quickly grabs the hand and pulls it away. She can't risk losing control in front of the uber driver.</p><p>They arrive at Siyeon's apartment. Nice, Bora thinks. It's no penthouse, but it's much fancier than her and Minji's place. She doesn't have time to look around for long before hands appear to remove her coat and spin her around to push her against the wall again. She's being kissed again, this time more sensual and slightly less urgent than before. She has time to properly feel and enjoy the soft lips moving against hers. Her hands bury themselves into soft, full locks of hair. Is this finally happening? Her secret hope that she thought would never come true? Her mind is still hazy from the alcohol, but she thinks that might be a good thing.</p><p>Siyeon starts kissing down her neck again, running her hands along her sides and under her crop top. Bora feels too hot anyway, so she raises her hands and lets Siyeon take off her top. She pushes herself to do at least one thing without overthinking and takes off her own bra. Siyeon's hands immediately cup her breasts. None of her boyfriends have ever touched her the way Siyeon is touching her. Gentle, but determined. She can feel that her underwear has become completely slick against her, probably seeping into her shorts at this point. There's no turning back now, even though a part of her mind still tries to tell her to.</p><p>Her hands reach to tug at the hem of Siyeon's dress. Siyeon understands her silent wish and undresses herself. Watching Siyeon strip out of her tight mini dress and underwear makes Bora's cheeks flush. She's seen her undress before, but her body has changed. She's more toned now, more mature. Her long legs are slim, but not like sticks, they're muscular yet still soft looking. Bora finds her small breasts cute and pretty, and they're perfectly proportionate to her tight figure. Her waist curves in slightly, not like an hourglass, but just the right amount. She has a small tattoo on her left shoulder. Her body is flawless in Bora's eyes. She wants to touch so bad, but at the same time she feels like she shouldn't. Like the woman in front of her is a forbidden fruit.</p><p>Her internal struggle must have been obvious on her face, since the next thing she knows Siyeon takes her hands, guiding them to her body as she says "It's okay, you can touch me." Bora gives in and lets herself feel every inch of skin she can reach. Firm breasts just enough to fill a handful, nipples that are hard already before she grazes her fingertips over them, abs that instinctively flex when she runs her hands along them, the smooth skin of her butt that feels really satisfying to squeeze. She doesn't dare to let her eyes or hands wander between her legs, though.</p><p>Siyeon finally starts unbuttoning Bora's shorts. She starts feeling a bit self-conscious, but that's how you feel when you have sex with anyone for the first time, right? Siyeon gets down on her knees and Bora lets her take off her shorts. She feels small kisses on her thighs and hands that are slowly creeping up her sides. Bora realizes she's about to take off her underwear so she holds Siyeon's chin with one finger, motioning her to get up. She's not ready for this just yet. Siyeon comes up to softly kiss her, and she takes her thong off herself.</p><p>Siyeon whispers in her ear again, placing kisses on her earlobe between sentences. "Bora... What can I do to you? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."</p><p>Bora doesn't know. How is she supposed to know? She's never done this before. So she answers with a question of her own. "What do you want to do to me?"</p><p>Siyeon pauses for a moment before asking "Would it be okay if I used a strap-on on you?</p><p>Oh. That explains the manicure. Bora's relieved her answer was this and not scissoring or something. At least it won't be completely foreign to her. Maybe that's exactly why Siyeon suggested it. She nods. "Okay."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Yes." She's not really sure, though.</p><p>They make their way to Siyeon's bedroom and Bora sits on the bed as she watches Siyeon pull out the toy from her drawer. It's slightly smaller than an average penis. Good, Bora thinks to herself. She's a small woman and as much as she did enjoy having sex with her exes, she just wasn't built to take something that big. As soon as Siyeon finishes strapping herself up, Bora's first instinct is to get on her knees and take it in her mouth. So she does. She holds the base of the toy with her hand and gives the tip a lick. She looks up at Siyeon, who's looking at her with dark eyes burning with lust. She opens her mouth and takes in the tip. The toy has a slight rubbery scent to it, but other than that it feels surprisingly real. She takes in more of the length until she reaches its base. She slowly starts sucking off the toy. After a few moments she hears Siyeon let out a small gasp of pleasure. Only then does she realize the base of the toy must be hitting her clit every time she moves. Hot. She looks up to see Siyeon's eyes closed and mouth slightly open.</p><p>She keeps going for just a bit longer before she stops and lies down on the bed. Siyeon follows and kneels between Bora's legs, placing her hands on Bora's knees to spread them apart. She positions the toy against Bora and looks at her questioningly. Bora nods.</p><p>Siyeon slowly eases herself in.</p><p>"You good?" she asks.</p><p>Bora nods again.</p><p>Siyeon uses her middle finger to rub small circles over Bora's clit as she starts steadily thrusting into her. Bora is kind of glad she's staying between her legs and isn't laying down on top of her. The thought of her face mere inches apart, looking into her eyes or kissing her while doing this feels too romantic, too intimate. She doesn't think she'd be able to handle it.</p><p>Even though the feeling of Siyeon fucking her is similar to the sex she's used to having with her exes, albeit less painful thanks to the smaller size of the toy, the fact that it's a woman, or maybe just that it's Siyeon, makes her feel things. Things she isn't quite sure what to do with. She shakes off the thought and tries to just focus on enjoying the way Siyeon smoothly rolls her hips to push the toy in and out of her. Siyeon's clearly enjoying it too as Bora notices she's started breathing heavier and letting out soft, almost inaudible moans. Bora feels overwhelmed.</p><p>"I want to fuck you too." She doesn't even know where that came from.</p><p>"With this?" Siyeon slows down, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"If you'll let me?" She feels embarrassed to even say it.</p><p>Siyeon pulls out without another word and proceeds to remove the strap. Bora sits up on her knees to watch. Why is all of this turning her on so much? Siyeon reaches around Bora to fasten the strap on her. It feels oddly intimate. She looks down and is faced with an unfamiliar sight between her legs. The toy is glistening with her own juices. When Siyeon is done, Bora tries to make eye contact but is unable to. Instead, she just tells her with a small voice "Turn around."</p><p>Siyeon's lips curl into a small smirk and she obeys. She gets down on all fours and Bora's faced with a sight that makes her mouth go dry. Her thighs and butt look insanely good from this angle. She can see the well formed muscles on her back too, but to be honest, she's having trouble taking her eyes off Siyeon's centre. Her pussy looks perfect. She can see her wetness dripping out and all she can think of is how she's the one that caused it.  She's close enough to smell the faint scent of her arousal and it's making her head spin. Siyeon's equally perfect butthole is on full display too and Bora has no idea why that's also turning her on.</p><p>She runs her hands along Siyeon's thighs, up her ass and down her back. Her skin feels so smooth and soft. She trails a finger near her sex and her own arousal increases tenfold when she finally draws it along her wetness. Siyeon's waiting patiently and seemingly letting her do whatever she wants, so she pushes her finger in. She feels wet, tight and almost unbearably hot around her. Bora starts to panic a little and almost immediately pulls out. It's probably good Siyeon can't see her face right now. She takes a deep breath, takes a hold of the toy with one hand and guides it to Siyeon's entrance. She's slightly scared of what she's about to do, so she pushes ever so gently, until the tip starts sliding in. She stops, listening for any signs of discomfort from Siyeon, and since she hears none, she continues. It slides in a lot easier than she thought it would.</p><p>She brings her hands to Siyeon's hips to stabilize herself as she pulls out halfway. She tentatively thrusts and she can feel the soft base of the toy hitting against herself. The movement feels unfamiliar, but she tries to find a rhythm, slowly at first, gradually picking up speed. The sight of Siyeon's pussy taking in the length is too distracting so she stops looking and closes her eyes. It's a strange feeling. She can't feel the toy going in, but at the same time she can. She feels the resistance and hears the wet sounds, and the way she can control how the toy is rubbing up against her is more satisfying than she expected. She starts snapping her hips at a higher speed and hears Siyeon moan in response, so she's probably not doing a terrible job. As good as the friction feels, Bora feels like she can't come just from this. She opens her eyes and the sight of herself fucking a woman from behind feels both right and wrong at the same time. Siyeon's moans are getting louder and she sounds really sexy to Bora. She reaches around her with one hand to find her clit. It's a bit hard from this position and with how hard she's fucking her, but she tries her best to give her some extra stimulation.</p><p>"Oh my god, Bora..."</p><p>Siyeon's breathless moan sends a new wave of heat between Bora's legs.The thought that Siyeon is probably about to come from what she's doing drives her crazy. It doesn't take too long until she does. Bora finds herself a bit disappointed that she can't feel Siyeon convulse through the toy, but the sounds she's making and the way she's grinding up against Bora to take in even more of her is satisfying enough.</p><p>When Bora is sure Siyeon has come down from her orgasm, she thrusts one more time, earning her a final moan, before pulling out. Siyeon falls on the bed, exhausted. She rolls on her back and looks into Bora's eyes, still breathing heavily. She's so beautiful. The way her black hair cascades down her shoulders and on the bed makes her look like a vision from Bora's wildest fantasies - had she ever allowed herself to properly fantasize, that is. Bora can't deny that this is raising feelings in her beyond just being turned on. She's not entirely sure what those feelings mean, all she knows is she wants to kiss and hold the woman in front of her. She almost feels a magnetic pull towards her and she doesn't resist, moving closer to hover on top of Siyeon, who brings her hand to cup the back of Bora's head and pulls her in for a kiss. It's sweet, gentle, nothing like the hungry makeout session they started with in the club's restroom. Siyeon's lips are unbelievably soft. Kissing her feels so good. The little gasps and sighs she's still occasionally letting out into Bora's mouth make her heart swell.</p><p>Suddenly Bora can feel the tip of the strap-on poking at something, most likely Siyeon's entrance. Oh. She sits up.</p><p>"Need help?" Siyeon asks.</p><p>"No, I think I got it." Bora says as she finds the first closure and starts removing the strap. As it slides off her body, she's reminded of her own, still unsatisfied state. It's almost as if Siyeon can read her thoughts based on the next thing that comes out of her mouth.</p><p>"Sit on my face, Bora. I want you to come in my mouth."</p><p>Hearing those words makes Bora's clit throb with need. She bites her lip and crawls up Siyeon's body, feeling nervous. She feels too exposed. Her knees are on either side of Siyeon's head now. Siyeon kisses Bora's thighs while looking up at her with a smile, her eyes almost turning into half crescents. God, she looks adorable like this. Adorable, pretty, and sexy as hell. Siyeon is clearly waiting, so she carefully lowers herself. The woman underneath her wraps her arms around Bora, caressing her thighs and butt. She starts eating Bora out. Not too fast, not too slow. Not applying too much pressure, but just enough. Bora's done this with most of her exes, this is nothing new. So why does it feel different? Is it because Siyeon knows what she's doing, or because she's more attracted to her? She catches herself thinking this, and again quickly pushes the thought away. She wants to enjoy this moment.</p><p>Siyeon seems really into it. Like she's enjoying this as much as Bora is. She eats her out with passion and dedication, giving attention to every fold, licking, sucking, nibbling and occasionally dipping her tongue inside Bora's heat. Bora feels her stomach tighten too fast. It probably wasn't much faster than usual, but it feels so good she doesn't want it to end. She almost asks Siyeon to take a break, but it's too late. Her back arches and she comes hard against Siyeon's mouth, involuntarily grinding against her warm tongue. Siyeon knows exactly what to do to help her ride out her orgasm and make it last as long as possible, until she gradually slows her movements to a halt.</p><p>Bora lets out a shaky breath. "Wow." Her legs are still trembling when she somewhat unceremoniously moves away from Siyeon and crashes down on the bed next to her, closing her eyes as she waits for her breathing to calm down. After a few moments, she feels Siyeon press herself to her side, entangling their legs, resting her head on Bora's shoulder and gently placing an arm across her stomach, drawing meaningless patterns with her fingers. Bora feels like crying, but she doesn't want to think about why. Thinking can wait. There's a lot of things Bora is still not ready to admit to herself, but she can't deny that this right now feels like paradise. She rests her hand on top of Siyeon's and the last thought she has before falling asleep is that she won't let Siyeon go again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wakes up to the bright sunlight blinding her and pulls the blanket over her eyes. Her head starts throbbing right away. She rolls over and the bed feels very comfortable but unfamiliar. She slowly opens her eyes and realizes where she is. She remembers everything that happened last night. Thank god.</p><p>Last night was mind blowing. It was, without a doubt, the best sex she’s ever had, even if it was all clouded by fear, hesitance and inexperience. She peers out of the blanket and looks behind her shoulder to find the bed empty.</p><p>Will the things that happened on this bed change her life forever? She’s scared that now that she’s crossed the line, nothing else will ever compare. That’s what she’s always been scared of. She used to be normal, right? Did she break herself last night? The tears that wanted to come out before falling asleep make their entrance now. She lets them fall silently, not wanting to alert Siyeon. She’s not religious, but… did she sin last night? How will she be able to look her parents in the eyes again? How can she pretend that she doesn’t want this anymore?</p><p>Her tears are not entirely sad tears, though. In a way, they’re also tears of happiness, of relief. In many ways, last night felt so <em>right</em>. She felt scared, but she also felt <em>alive</em>. She’s never been as turned on as she was last night. She was always scared of doing this, but she was also scared of never getting to experience it. At least she won’t have to die never knowing what it felt like. Would she have been happier if she didn’t know, though?</p><p>She realizes she doesn’t want Siyeon to find her like this, so she tries to pull herself together and gets up. Her head is still throbbing, but at least she doesn’t feel nauseous. She realizes her clothes from yesterday are nowhere to be seen. Right, they were discarded last night before they even entered the bedroom. She does find a large t-shirt conveniently placed on the bedside table. There’s no way she’ll leave this room naked, so she puts on the shirt that fits like a dress on her.</p><p>She slowly opens the door and peers into the apartment. It’s bathing in warm sunlight and looks even fancier now. The room is spotless and everything in it looks modern and somewhat minimalist. All the furniture is either white or gray. Siyeon did go study interior design after all, so she shouldn’t be surprised. The apartment has an open floor plan, so when she looks left she sees the kitchen and that’s where she finds her. She’s looking out the window and hasn’t noticed Bora yet. She’s leaning against the kitchen counter drinking coffee and appears to be lost in her thoughts. She must have already showered since her hair is straight now, and she’s wearing an exquisite looking white silk robe. She looks absolutely ethereal.</p><p>Bora is almost scared to approach her and it’s not just because of what happened last night. They were best friends for six years. They shared everything and knew each other better than anyone else. Still, she feels unfamiliar. She’s changed so much, while Bora herself has stayed the same, in more ways than she’d like.</p><p>What she does know is that things had already changed between them before last night, on that very last day they ever interacted in high school. Even though neither of them said it out loud, that’s when they confessed to each other. Bora, by making that first move and Siyeon by kissing her back. No matter how messy things turned out, that short interaction confirmed that they both saw each other as more than just a friend. Even though it was a long time ago, she’s always had this feeling that things were left unfinished between them. She hasn’t had a proper conversation with Siyeon since then. She still hasn’t even apologized for what she did.</p><p>Siyeon finally notices her.</p><p>“Good morning.” Her voice sounds just as smooth and velvety as it did yesterday.</p><p>“Morning.” Bora’s own voice is still croaky from just having woken up. She feels a bit trash compared to Siyeon in every way right now.</p><p>Siyeon is not exactly smiling, but her expression is friendly and welcoming. Bora can also sense a hint of concern and it looks like Siyeon is trying to search her face for her feelings about yesterday. Everything Bora did last night certainly made it obvious that it was her first time and that she was still scared.</p><p>Siyeon must have noticed that her eyes are not red and puffy just from the hangover.</p><p>“Have you been crying?” She sounds so caring, almost motherly. Bora feels embarrassed and averts her gaze.</p><p>“I...” That’s all she gets out before the tears start coming back.</p><p>She hears Siyeon put down her cup and walk closer.</p><p>“Come here.” She pulls Bora into a hug. She smells like coffee, vanilla and that clean, slightly soapy scent of someone that has recently come out of the shower. She still gives the best hugs.</p><p>Bora can’t help but notice that she isn’t wearing a shirt or a bra under her robe. She can feel her body through the thin material and it reminds her of how it felt to touch her last night. Even her throbbing headache and teary eyes don’t distract her from realizing how much she wants her. God, how she wants her. She’s already had a taste, but it’s not enough. She wants more, so much more. And it scares her.</p><p>In bright daylight it’s harder to hide. They’re just hugging, but it feels like anyone will be able to see her, to judge her. Last night’s events are still safely guarded by the darkness of the night, and it’s better to keep it that way. Her sober mind makes it easier to pull away from the hug.</p><p>“Bora… I know it’s not easy. It hasn’t always been easy for me, either. Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“No, I… I can’t. I’m fine.”</p><p>“Do you want breakfast or a shower?”</p><p>Bora catches herself staring at Siyeon’s lips. She needs to leave.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I have to go. Can I have my clothes?”</p><p>“They’re waiting for you in the bathroom. I washed and dried them, I hope that’s okay.”</p><p>Why is she so perfect? It makes this a lot harder.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“The bathroom is over there.”</p><p>Bora locks herself in and looks at herself in the mirror. She looks like a mess. Her smudged makeup makes her dread the possibility that she might have left stains on Siyeon’s white robe. She quickly freshens up and feels very grateful to be able to put on clean underwear.</p><p>She gets out and walks straight to the entry to put on her jacket. Siyeon appears just as she’s stepping into her shoes.</p><p>“I called you an uber.”</p><p>That’s right, Bora doesn’t even know exactly where she is.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Can I at least give you my new phone number? Just in case?”</p><p>Siyeon sounds… hopeful? A bit sad, as well? Bora remembers the last thought that ran through her drunken mind before falling asleep last night. That she won’t let Siyeon disappear from her life again. Her head is too full of messy thoughts to even begin to think about how that can realistically happen, but it won’t hurt to have her number. Just in case.</p><p>“Okay.” She unlocks her phone and hands it to Siyeon.</p><p>The time it takes for Siyeon to type in her name and number gives Bora one more chance to briefly memorize her appearance. She’s still that same girl from high school, but different. She’s looked at this face for countless hours in her life, but will this be the last time? And just then, Siyeon hands her phone back.</p><p>It’s time to leave, but Bora can’t tear her eyes away now. Her hand is already on the door handle but a part of her doesn’t want to leave. She can see Siyeon’s eyes flickering between her eyes and lips, too. She wants to kiss her so bad. How bad could it be to just give those lips one more little goodbye kiss? Would she be able to leave at all, then? Would it just make it more heartbreaking to leave? Probably.</p><p>Siyeon speaks up before she can make up her mind. “In case it makes any difference, I don’t regret anything that happened last night. I enjoyed everything we did and I’ve wanted it for a very, very long time. I understand if you don’t want to see me again. If you just want to be friends, that’s fine too. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I really care about you, still.”</p><p>It’s too much for Bora to take, she’s feeling too many conflicting feelings. She has to leave.</p><p>“I’m okay. Thanks for... everything.” She opens the door and walks out. She feels disgusting for leaving like this. Siyeon has been nothing but respectful towards her. She just can’t take any more.</p><p>When she comes home, Minji asks how her night went.</p><p>"It went... fine. Sorry for leaving like that."</p><p>"Don't worry about it, I was getting tired anyway."</p><p>"I'm actually not feeling that well, I think I need to go rest."</p><p>"Oh no, I hope you'll feel better soon" Minji pouts. "Let me know if you need anything."</p><p>Bora closes the door to her room and breathes a sigh of relief. She knows Minji won't bring last night up anymore. Minji won't ask and she won't tell, and that's how it should be. She needs time to think.</p><p>She lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling. She thinks about her exes and all the past relationships she’s had with guys. Were they all really jerks? Why wasn’t she happy with any of them and why did she convince herself that she was? Did she actually love them, or did she just convince herself that, too? How do you even know? And does it really matter, anymore? All she has is questions and no answers.</p><p><em>I just want to make sure you’re okay.</em> Just like back in high school, Siyeon just wanted to make sure she’s okay, even though she’s the one that hurt her. Bora doesn’t deserve it. She still hasn’t even apologized, but she can’t go back now. Her mind briefly returns to last night’s events. She thought she’d feel a lot more dirty and disgusted with herself after crossing the line, but when she thinks about it, what happened between her and Siyeon was actually kind of… beautiful? The thought makes her feel uneasy.</p><p>One week later, she’s still thinking the same thoughts that were triggered that night. She’s somehow managed to go to college normally, but when she comes home she locks herself in her room. She feels like she’s in a trance, her brain unable to stop repeating the same questions over and over again. It’s driving her crazy.</p><p>Does she actually enjoy sex with men, or is it something she’s convinced herself to believe, because that’s how she’s supposed to feel, just like her believing she loved Jaehyun, when he was nothing but abusive towards her? She has to find out. </p><p>She texts Chanhyuk and asks if she can come over for some ‘fun’, no strings attached. As expected, he agrees right away.</p><p>She goes straight to his bedroom and after a minute or two of his tongue in her throat, tells him to cut the foreplay short. At first, everything goes like it usually would. Her body goes on autopilot, following the same pattern she’s used to with him. But when he’s inside her and she closes her eyes, she sees <em>her</em>. But then her body reminds her that he’s being a lot less gentle than she was, and she’s stretched to the point where it gets painful, and she just wants to stop. It feels wrong. For the first time ever, she fakes her orgasm just so it would be over sooner.</p><p>She gets dressed right away and makes sure to remind Chanhyuk that this was a one-time thing. She wishes she could wipe the smug grin off his face.</p><p>She’s grateful to find the apartment still empty when she comes home. She lies on her bed once again, her vision clouded with tears. She never sleeps around casually like this, and now she’s done it twice within one week. At least it looks like she got her answer. </p><p>She was right. Nothing would ever compare. But she can always pretend, right? What if she just convinces herself this is what she wants? That this is enough? She already knows the answer and she doesn’t like it. Deep down she knows that there’s no going back, but she doesn’t want to admit it.</p><p>She feels empty inside. Like her whole life was based on a lie. Maybe if she tries to ignore Siyeon, and what happened between them, maybe she’ll be able to forget about her. Maybe she’ll be able to go back to normal.</p><p>Normal is all she wants. She already feels like a failure because of her career path, she can’t afford to disappoint her parents again.</p><p>It’s the usual story. Her dad is a dentist and her mom a nurse, and ever since Bora was young they had encouraged her to work in the medical field, doctor being the preferred profession. Bora failed to get into medical school and insisted on studying something she felt she was good at: business economics. Her parents seemed disappointed, but still supportive. They had just wanted their only daughter to have a successful life.</p><p>What’s worse is that last year, the year she was supposed to graduate, she realized her studies didn’t feel fulfilling anymore. She was losing her motivation, even though she was studying the field that she chose herself. Her studies suffered and she had to watch Minji graduate without her. She had kept it from her parents at first, but when they found out they were again disappointed, but supportive. It feels like more than anything, Bora was disappointed in herself. She had failed again.</p><p>What if she ends up disappointing her parents again by liking women? What if this time they are just disappointed, but not supportive? She can’t let that happen. She decides to try her best to forget about Siyeon, to pretend that nothing happened. She can’t even think about guys now either. She decides to distract herself by completely focusing on her studies.</p><p>As the weeks pass, she makes a couple of new friends at college. She’s been feeling a bit lonely there ever since all her old classmates graduated, which didn’t help with her lack of motivation. She forms a study group with her new friends and with their motivation, starts feeling a little more passionate about her studies again. She manages to catch up on her courses and it looks like she’ll be able to graduate in a couple of months.</p><p>Unfortunately, it’s not like everything in her life is suddenly all better. She’s started suffering from insomnia, and when she does manage to sleep, she has recurring nightmares. In her nightmares, something is always chasing her, but she never finds out what it is. She wakes up covered in cold sweat several times each week. She knows she’s starting to genuinely enjoy her studies again and feels relieved that her graduation is finally in sight, so it shouldn’t be about stress related to her studies. As much of a distraction as her studies have been, maybe, just maybe, repressing your problems won’t fix them… When the latest exam week is over and their study group goes on a break, she has more time to think. And when that happens, she starts feeling again, questioning again. It’s been just over two months since she decided to forget. It’s getting harder to do so every day.</p><p>Once again, she finds herself lying in bed in the middle of the night, wide awake. She feels frustrated. Not just emotionally, but also sexually. She hasn’t been able to get off since <em>that night</em>. Her fear that nothing else would compare has proven to be true, so far. She couldn’t (and didn’t want to) reach climax with Chanhyuk, and she hasn’t been able to do it alone either, while thinking about men.</p><p>Her mind has wanted to go to <em>her</em>, to that night, so many times, but she’s always stopped herself. What good would it do to keep remembering it? But now she’s tired of fighting herself.</p><p>Tonight, she lets her mind wander. It takes her back to that night, seeing <em>her</em> for the first time in years. She remembers everything. Noticing her at the club, admiring her body, the way she moved, the way she had changed. Feeling her body pressed against hers on the dancefloor, the way it started heating her own body up, the look she gave before leading Bora to the bathrooms. The look that changed everything. That first, desperate kiss inside the stall, the way they continued in the privacy of Siyeon’s apartment. The way she touched Bora’s chest, the way she undressed <em>for her</em>, seeing and touching her naked skin for the first and only time.</p><p>Bora’s hand sneaks inside her panties. She hasn’t been this wet in a long time. She presses her fingers down hard and continues to remember every detail she can from that night. The excitement she felt when she sucked off Siyeon’s strap-on and realized it was getting her off too, the way Siyeon’s pussy felt when she was bold enough to slide her finger in for a moment. If that was the only time it happened, why couldn’t she have been bolder?</p><p>She remembers sliding the toy inside Siyeon. The already soaking wet toy that had, moments before, been inside her, mixing their juices together inside Siyeon. The way she moaned Bora’s name. The way she sounded when she came. That moment after, softly kissing Siyeon through her afterglow, when she realized she might feel something deeper for the woman, only to dismiss her feelings the next day.</p><p>She thinks about the way Siyeon asked to eat her out and how quick she was to abandon her fears and let her do it. The way her soft tongue skillfully brought her closer and closer to the edge. Bora moves her fingers desperately, imagining it’s Siyeon’s tongue that’s making her come undone. When she comes, her head is filled with <em>her</em>, and nothing but her.</p><p>She falls into a troubled sleep and when she wakes up, all she can think about is still <em>her</em>.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't get your hopes up: there's no smut in this chapter, but it's a necessary one. The next one will make up for it I promise 🤭</p><p>(Sorry for making Minji het &gt;_&lt;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she walks out of her room, Minji is already having breakfast, cheerfully humming to the song playing on the radio. She’s been even happier than usual ever since she started officially dating someone a couple of weeks ago. Her boyfriend seems like a really nice guy and they match so well, he's even stayed over a couple of times already and Bora doesn't mind. She wonders if she’ll ever get to experience happiness like that.</p><p>She pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down. Normally they’d be chatting away about whatever, but today she finds herself quietly staring at her cup, until she works up the courage to finally talk about what’s been on her mind.</p><p>“Minji, can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Of course, what is it?”</p><p>“Have you… Have you ever… liked a girl? Like, more than as a friend?”</p><p>Minji stares into the distance, recalling a memory from the past. “Yes. Yes, I have. Or I thought I did, at least.”</p><p>Bora’s eyes widen. She’s surprised and curious. Minji has always seemed like an open-minded person, but she’s never expressed an interest in women.</p><p>Minji continues, “There was a girl I had somewhat of a crush on in high school. We’d kiss every now and then and it felt nice. Then once at a house party things went a bit further, but that’s when I realized it’s not for me. It was fun, though, and I don’t regret experimenting a little. It’s better to know than having to wonder, right?” She looks at Bora.</p><p>“Right…”</p><p>“Is there a reason you’re asking this?” she asks carefully.</p><p>Bora takes a long pause. “I think you already know the answer.”</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me if you don't want to, but… Can I ask who it is?”</p><p>“I think you already know that too.”</p><p>“That girl you met at the club when you didn’t come home for the night?”</p><p>“...Yes.” Bora feels her face flush. It’s so embarrassing to talk about, but it feels relieving at the same time.</p><p>“Well, I can’t blame you, she was gorgeous. Have you been talking to her or seeing her since then? Didn't you say she’s someone from your past?”</p><p>Bora tells her everything. From their six-year friendship to kissing her behind the school, to spending the night with her and the conflicting feelings she’s had since then. It feels liberating to let it all out, and the whole thing feels less like a dirty secret now. Minji seems so understanding, as usual. Bora feels dumb for not talking to her sooner. Her friend does give her some well-deserved critique, too.</p><p>“So let me get this straight, you forcefully kissed her in high school after acting a little homophobic towards her, and refused to talk to her afterwards, even though you’d been best friends up until then. And now you’ve ignored her again for months even though you spent, from the sound of it, a great night together. And you’ve felt guilty about it all, but never apologized?”</p><p>“I’ve wanted to, I just haven’t had the chance. I can’t face her after everything that happened.”</p><p>“I know you’re going through a hard time and I can only imagine how confusing it must feel, but don’t you think she deserves an apology? Wouldn’t it make you feel better too?”</p><p>Minji is right, as usual. “Yeah, I guess it would. But, like… how do I approach her after all this? Things got too messy, I’m too embarrassed and I still haven’t sorted my feelings out.”</p><p>Minji smiles. “It’s not that hard, just pick up your phone and see where it takes you. She deserves an apology, and you deserve some closure too, if nothing else. And if you like her, then why not give it a chance? I know it’s not an easy path, but it’s better to find out than to regret it for the rest of your life. We only live once.” She gets up and gives Bora a reassuring pat on the shoulder on her way to the sink. “I have to go to work now, but we can talk more in the evening, if you want. You know I'm always here for you, right?”</p><p>Bora is now smiling too. “I know. You’re the best, I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”</p><p>When Minji has left, Bora picks up her phone. She feels reassured, for the first time in ages. The least she has to do is to finally say that she’s sorry. She starts typing a message.</p><p>
  <em>Hi, it’s Kim Bora. I know it’s been a few months, but can we talk?</em>
</p><p>It’s only now that she starts feeling nervous. What if she’s waited too long? What if she doesn’t reply? Luckily she doesn’t have time to focus on worrying, since she has to get ready for college. About 30 minutes after sending the message, just when she takes out her phone in the subway, she gets a notification.</p><p>
  <em>Of course. What do you have in mind?</em>
</p><p>She hadn’t thought this far yet. Meeting in a neutral setting at daytime would be best, so maybe a café?</p><p>
  <em>Are you free this weekend? Can you meet me at Namu Café at 2 PM on Saturday or Sunday?</em>
</p><p>Siyeon answers right away this time.</p><p>
  <em>Saturday works. See you soon.</em>
</p><p>And just like that, it’s done. They’ll be meeting again.</p><p>The week passes in the blink of an eye. Today is the day. It’s not a date, but she feels more nervous than she’s felt before any date she’s had. She changes her outfit four times before settling on a brown knitted sweater and jeans. She doesn’t want to look like she’s spent too much thought on her outfit.</p><p>She gets to the café 20 minutes early. She picks a quiet table and waits, the nervousness in her stomach growing every minute. She keeps practicing her apology in her head until Siyeon shows up 10 minutes later.</p><p>She’s wearing a gray button-up shirt, a black pencil skirt and heels. Bora wonders if she always dresses like this, or if she’s dressed up for her. Regardless, she feels under-dressed now. Her heart starts beating a little faster when she walks up to her, but she tries to remind herself that she's here on a mission, and it's not related to what happened at Siyeon's apartment.</p><p> Siyeon seems happy to meet her but maybe just a little hesitant as well, but that's not really a surprise considering that she still doesn't know why Bora suddenly wanted to meet her. They get their coffees and small pieces of cake and sit down. It feels strange to meet her again in such a casual setting. The fact that she’s sitting here, out in public, with a woman she’s slept with feels unreal. It feels like people will somehow be able to tell. She shouldn’t think about it, shouldn’t think about how she knows what she looks like under those clothes, but she can’t help it.</p><p>She happens to notice that Siyeon’s nails are now short. Is it because she’s seeing someone now? The thought makes her feel disappointed and a little… jealous? She mentally whacks herself on the head. She shouldn’t be reading so much into something as trivial as the length of someone’s nails.</p><p>“So, what did you want to talk about?”</p><p>Right, she’s been staring at her like an idiot so far.</p><p>“Actually, what I came here for is… an apology.”</p><p>Siyeon raises her eyebrows a little but stays quiet.</p><p>“I know this comes way too late, and I know it won’t make things right, but I don’t want to go another day without telling you how sorry I am. I’m sorry for that… <em>thing</em> that happened in high school. I know it wasn’t fair. But most importantly, I’m sorry for cutting you out of my life like that, without an explanation or anything. You were the best possible friend I could have asked for and you deserved so much better than to be left behind like that. I’ve missed you a lot, but at the time I just felt like I had to do it. I was so scared. I know it was the most cowardly thing to do and I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>Siyeon stares out of the window. It looks like, for a moment, she’s recalling the feelings she went through after Bora abandoned her. Bora can see the pain on her face and it breaks her heart.</p><p>Then Siyeon looks at her.</p><p>“I'm not gonna lie, I was devastated for a long time. And a bit confused as well, to be honest. I still wish we didn't fall out but I get that you were scared. Maybe I didn’t fully understand it back then, but I understand it now. But I appreciate your apology. Thank you.”</p><p>Bora feels relief wash over her. It doesn't erase all the guilt she's felt, but at least she feels like she's finally done something right.</p><p>Siyeon puts her hand on top of Bora’s on the table to reassure her, but the smaller woman automatically jerks her own hand away. Then she realizes how ridiculous she’s being and moves her hand back, letting Siyeon cover it with hers.</p><p>Siyeon gives her a soft and understanding look. “You’re still scared, aren’t you?”</p><p>Bora looks down at her coffee and answers with a small nod.</p><p>“The last time we met… How did it make you feel?”</p><p>Bora’s first instinct is to tell her that it was a mistake. But she can’t. She doesn't want to hurt Siyeon again by lying to her. Not to mention, the secret is already more or less out, there’s no point hiding it now.</p><p>She’s still staring at her coffee when she answers with the smallest possible voice that Siyeon can still hear. “Siyeon… I liked it. I liked it a lot.”</p><p>She looks at Siyeon again to find her eyes somewhere between the soft expression she just had and the wolflike gaze she remembers too well from last time.</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Suddenly the mood changes. Hungry wolf eyes are now staring back at Bora and it makes her feel like prey. She likes it.</p><p>She still finds it hard to believe that her once insecure friend had this in her. To display her interest so openly and confidently, and to have all of that directed at Bora is, well… a lot to handle. It starts igniting something inside her, something that was breathed into life the moment she gave herself to Siyeon.</p><p>The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Bora is the first to briefly break eye contact and pull her hand away.</p><p>She clears her throat and says the first thing that comes to her mind to break the tension. “So, how do you like your cake?”</p><p>Siyeon takes her dessert fork, scoops up her first piece of cream cake and slowly and seductively eats it off her fork while looking at Bora.</p><p>She licks her lips before replying. “It’s delicious.”</p><p>She's unbelievable. Bora has to bite her lip to keep away the smirk that wants to form on her lips.</p><p>They keep making small talk, not really talking about anything, partly because Bora’s brain can’t form complex sentences right now. There’s an undeniable sexual tension between them, evident in every lingering gaze.</p><p>As they keep talking, Bora realizes there’s no way they can just be friends anymore. Things can never go back to the way they were in high school before either of them had dared to make a move. And if she was into her in high school, she sure as hell is into her now. Everything about her that has changed just adds to it, from her general confidence and maturity down to small mannerisms like her eyebrows rising a little in a very attractive way when she talks. She can’t pretend she doesn’t want her after everything that’s happened. There’s no way she can look at her anymore without thinking about how her lips felt against her own, what her skin felt like against hers. She was hoping meeting her would bring some clarity. This isn’t necessarily the clarity she was hoping for, but it’s clarity nonetheless.</p><p>She feels too flustered to do anything about it right now, though, and when they say their goodbyes, neither of them brings up the topic of meeting again. She definitely gets the feeling that Siyeon would like to, but doesn't want to push Bora into doing anything.</p><p>Another week passes and Bora still can't stop thinking about her. Ever since she allowed herself to remember the night she spent with Siyeon, it's been invading her thoughts at even the most inconvenient moments, like waiting in line at the grocery store. And it's not just that night that she's thinking of anymore, she's also started having thoughts about what could be, fantasies about things she didn't get to do yet.</p><p>It’s Friday night and Minji is out. She’s at her boyfriend's place and probably won’t be coming home for the night. Bora is all alone with her thoughts, and all her thoughts are about her. It's another sleepless night and as the clock ticks, she feels like she's going insane.</p><p>At 5.15 AM she takes out her phone and types a message without thinking about the consequences.</p><p>
  <em>I can’t stop thinking about you</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Buckle up I guess 😏</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bora had eventually fallen asleep, still holding her phone in her hand. When she wakes up it’s already well past noon, but that’s not the only thing her phone tells her. She opens the two notifications with trembling fingers.</p><p>
  <em>Come over tonight, then?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But only if you want to</em>
</p><p>Oh god, that message. Can she take it back anymore? Does she <em>want</em> to take it back? Minji’s words echo in her mind. <em>'I know it’s not an easy path, but it’s better to find out than to regret it for the rest of your life. We only live once.'</em></p><p>She knows what she wants now. Deep down she’s always known. And what she wants, right now, is to give in to the pull she feels towards Siyeon, to explore this side of herself that she’s always repressed, always been scared of. She recognizes now that she will never stop being scared if she never faces it.</p><p>She knows she’ll have to face the consequences sooner or later, but right now, she isn't going to spare a single thought on that reality. She’s tired of feeling safe, in the way that she’s used to. As crazy as it might sound, she felt safe even in an abusive relationship, but it wasn’t the comfortable kind of safe, or the healthy kind of safe. It felt safe because it was less scary than the things she was really scared of: change, facing judgement, deviating from the norm. She decides to forget about the future, her family, the implications that all of this might have on her identity. For once, she’s going to do exactly what she wants, to hell with everything else.</p><p>In a few short messages, Siyeon gives her her address and Bora agrees to come at 9 PM.</p><p>Minji also texts her, letting her know she’s staying at her boyfriend’s place for the weekend. This means there’s no one there to take her mind off what’s about to happen, but she also won’t have to go through the embarrassment of telling Minji where she’s going.</p><p>She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Tonight she'll get to kiss her again. Tonight she won’t have to pretend or repress anything. Tonight she won't have to settle for fantasizing. It’s actually going to happen again. She feels nervousness and excitement start building up in the pit of her stomach.</p><p>She wants tonight to be as perfect as possible, and uses the whole day to prepare, taking a long shower to shave and exfoliate carefully, cutting her nails even shorter than she usually would, making sure she eats at the right time so she won’t be hungry but not too full either. She doesn’t quite have Siyeon’s great fashion sense, but she tries to pick an outfit that she thinks Siyeon might like and that is easy to take off: a white halterneck top and a black pleated skirt. She puts on her prettiest lingerie and makes sure to pack a spare pair of underwear this time. Before she knows it, she needs to get going.</p><p>She rings the doorbell at exactly 9 PM. Siyeon opens the door, looking as stunning as ever. Her hair is styled in loose curls and she’s wearing a strapless burgundy dress that reaches just above her knees.</p><p>“Hi, Bora. I’m so glad you came.”</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>“Come on in.”</p><p>She leads Bora into the living room, where there are two wine glasses waiting on the coffee table, a few candles lit around the room and jazz music playing quietly. The curtains are already drawn. If it was anyone else, Bora would think it’s all a bit cheesy, but it somehow feels natural coming from Siyeon. It's kind of sweet that she has also been preparing for tonight, just like Bora has.</p><p>She sits on the couch while Siyeon walks to her liquor cabinet. Bora didn’t notice she had one last time. It’s weird how sophisticated she is now.</p><p>“Red or white?”</p><p>“Uh, it doesn’t matter. You choose.”</p><p>“Let’s go with red, then.”</p><p>She pours them both a glass and sits down next to Bora.</p><p>“So, how was your week?”</p><p>Bora tries to make meaningless small talk with her again while sipping her wine, but her eyes keep drifting to Siyeon’s plump lips and her perfect legs and it’s already hard to concentrate, so eventually she gives up.</p><p>“Siyeon, we both know why I’m here. To be honest, I’m too nervous to keep making casual small talk.”</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to make you feel more relaxed?”</p><p>“I, uh... I don’t know.”</p><p>“Would it be okay if I did this?” Siyeon’s hand drifts to Bora’s thigh, lightly trailing across her skin. It sends shivers down her spine.</p><p>“Y-yes.” She feels like a nervous teenager all over again, but she wants this. She isn’t chickening out now.</p><p>Siyeon slowly caresses her leg, moving her hand a little higher every time, until it's just under the hem of her short skirt, and that's when she stops. She then moves her hand to cup Bora's cheek. Everything she’s doing feels so goddamn <em>sensual</em>. They haven’t even done anything, and she’s already starting to get a little turned on.</p><p>“Then, would it be okay if I did this?” She leans in, her lips ghosting over Bora’s.</p><p>Bora feels that magnetic pull again. She answers Siyeon by closing the small gap. She's missed this feeling so much. Siyeon kisses her back softly, letting her tongue slightly dip inside Bora’s mouth after a while. That’s all she does for now, but it’s enough for Bora to start losing her mind.</p><p>She pulls back barely an inch, breathing against Siyeon’s lips. She needs more.</p><p>“I want you.” It’s barely a whisper, but it’s all it takes for Siyeon to put down both their wine glasses and capture Bora’s lips in a more passionate kiss, her hands digging into Bora’s hair, fingers softly massaging her scalp. They kiss until they can barely breathe.</p><p>When Siyeon pulls back she’s even more beautiful, her lips swollen, her eyes full of want. She reaches around Bora’s neck for the straps of her top and stops to ask "May I?"</p><p>Bora can’t help but smile a bit. “That’s why I’m here, Siyeon.”</p><p>She proceeds to untie her top and removes it slowly, like she’s unwrapping the most precious and delicate gift. She trails her hands up Bora’s back until they reach the closure of her bra.</p><p>When her bra is off, Siyeon takes a <em>look</em>. Bora feels herself blush under her gaze and looks away.</p><p>Siyeon holds her chin with her fingers, making her look at her again.</p><p>“You’re beautiful, Bora.”</p><p>Siyeon kisses her again while gently touching her chest, her thumb grazing over her nipple. Bora lets herself enjoy the sensations until suddenly she remembers there are things she wants to do, too. She doesn’t just want to have them done to her, and she certainly doesn’t want to be the only one undressed.</p><p>She breaks the kiss to ask “Can I take off your dress too?” Heck, she’s already used a strap-on on this woman, there’s no need to be shy now.</p><p>“Of course you can.” Siyeon gets up, turns around and moves her hair to one side, exposing the long zipper of her dress. Bora gets up too and finds that she doesn’t want to go straight for the zipper. She looks too pretty, from every angle. She catches a glimpse of a tattoo at the nape of her neck and reaches to stroke her hair, gently moving it out of the way.</p><p>
  <em>Paradise is where I am</em>
</p><p>She remembers lying next to Siyeon last time and thinking it felt like paradise, as bittersweet as it was. She presses her lips against the inked skin. Could Siyeon be her paradise?</p><p>She puts her hands on Siyeon’s waist and kisses her exposed shoulder, letting her hands slowly run up and down and tasting her skin. Just touching her, feeling her for a bit. It’s a little easier, a little less intimidating to explore when not even Siyeon is looking. She then reaches for the zipper and starts pulling it down, taking in every inch of exposed skin. She discovers another tattoo, a long string of Roman numerals. This one definitely wasn’t there last time.</p><p>She’s obviously never undressed another woman before, but she likes it. She’s already decided that tonight she won’t question anything. If she likes something, she will just accept it for now. She’ll always have time to think about it later. If last time, even with all her hesitance, felt that incredible, she can only imagine how amazing tonight can be if she fully lets go of the reins and stops holding herself back.</p><p>When she’s fully pulled down the zipper, the dress easily falls off Siyeon’s body. She steps out of it and turns to face Bora, who’s now faced with her captivating brown eyes - and the front clasp of her strapless bra. She looks so pretty in her underwear, but Bora wants to continue, she wants to expose more skin to look at, to touch, and maybe to taste, too. She opens the bra and lets it fall off. She looks just like Bora remembers. Everything about her is beautiful.</p><p>Bora moves her hands to touch, first placing them on the sides of her hips, then up her waist until they reach her chest. She wants to know what it would feel like in her mouth, but the thought makes her feel a bit embarrassed. She isn’t going to let it stop her tonight, though.</p><p>She’s already figured out it’s easier for her to explore when she knows no one is looking, so she tells Siyeon to close her eyes. She gives her lips a small peck and then kisses down her neck, over her collarbone and finally over her chest. She wraps her lips around her right nipple and gives it a gentle suck, feeling it harden in her mouth. Then she strokes it with her tongue, hearing Siyeon suck in a sharp breath in response. Okay, this is definitely something Bora likes. She makes a mental note and files it away, making sure to stop her mind from overanalyzing anything now.</p><p>After repeating the actions on the other side of her chest, she glances up to check that Siyeon still has her eyes closed. Good. She has one more garment to take off. Bora kneels and comes face to face with that garment and what lies underneath it. She gulps. This time she wants to have no regrets. She hooks her fingers into the underwear and pulls down. She’s perfectly smooth, like last time.</p><p>They’re still standing in the living room, though, so she doesn’t do anything for now and gets up. She kisses Siyeon again and runs her hands down her back and over the curve of her butt. She feels Siyeon's arms wrap themselves around her lower back.</p><p>Siyeon is slowly invading her every sense. All she wants is to get closer, to feel more of her, so after a while she leans in to whisper in her ear.</p><p>“Let’s go to the bedroom.”</p><p>She knows the way this time and walks in first, taking off her skirt and throwing it on the bedside table. She won’t be needing it anymore.</p><p>They end up on the bed, Siyeon lying down on her back while Bora settles next to her on her side, propping herself up with her left elbow. She leans in to give her a slow kiss and puts her hand on her stomach, first palming her skin and then gradually moving it further and further down, over soft lower lips, until she’s met with slick heat. Just like last time, it instantly makes her own arousal peak.</p><p>She plays with the arousal, in disbelief over just how wet Siyeon has gotten. She can't help but feel just a bit intimidated, but tries her best not to. She reminds herself that this is all for her, Siyeon is wet and ready <em>for her</em>.</p><p>When her fingers are slick with arousal she pushes one of them in. The sensation of being swallowed by tight warmth overwhelms her, but this time she doesn’t pull away.</p><p>“You feel so good, Siyeon.”</p><p>She takes her time getting to know what every part of her feels like, looking for her G-spot, adding a second finger, stroking her with alternating speeds and depths, all the while leisurely kissing her lips. Eventually the kiss gets sloppier and Siyeon moves her own hand down to touch her own clit. Maybe Bora should feel offended, but she doesn’t. In a way it makes her feel safe, like she doesn’t need to be perfect or do all the right things on her own yet. Not to mention, bringing Siyeon closer to her orgasm together with her is somehow even more of a turn-on. Soon Bora feels her tighten even more. She sounds so pretty when she’s about to fall apart. When Siyeon comes, Bora feels everything. Her orgasm seems to last forever, and she doesn’t pull her fingers out until every last flutter has left Siyeon’s body.</p><p>Before she can decide what to do with her fingers, Siyeon takes her wrist and brings them to her own lips. She gives them a lick before closing her eyes and taking them into her mouth. Bora could never have even imagined the kind of sensations she can get just through her fingers. Feeling the velvety walls of Siyeon’s pussy and her hot mouth and tongue on her fingertips feels so delicious and stimulating. Every small movement Siyeon makes goes straight to her core. It’s mind blowing that she’s having sex, much more intense and satisfying sex than she’s used to having, using nothing but her fingers. That’s about to change, though.</p><p>Siyeon releases Bora’s fingers and flips them over, pushing Bora against the bed. She kisses her, softly biting her lips before pulling back to look into her eyes. She slowly grinds her hips down against Bora’s pubic bone, making Bora's breath hitch. It’s just eye contact and grinding, but it’s fucking insane. Just like last time, Bora feels drunk, but this time it isn’t from alcohol. She’s drunk on Siyeon, and it feels so much better.</p><p>Siyeon kisses her again before moving to nibble on her earlobe. She trails kisses down the side of her neck and then proceeds to systematically kiss every part of Bora, from her wrists to her hip bones and ankles, occasionally accentuating her kisses with licks and nibbles.</p><p>Bora holds her breath in anticipation when she reaches the spot between her thighs. Siyeon still doesn’t remove her underwear and instead gives her a long, slow lick through the fabric. Bora gasps in surprise. The material is already soaked with her wetness and it doesn’t feel rough at all, instead it’s just giving her yet another thrilling sensation she’s never felt before. Siyeon eats her out through her panties until Bora’s first moan gets caught in her throat, and then finally strips the garment off.</p><p>She spreads Bora’s legs, gathers some wetness with her fingers and pushes two of them in, filling her up just right. The combined mental and physical satisfaction Bora gets from feeling Siyeon’s fingers penetrate her for the first time immediately triggers a mini orgasm, her opening weakly pulsing against the digits.</p><p>Siyeon lets out a shaky exhale and her left hand’s fingers dig deeper into Bora’s thigh in response. Bora thinks she hears her curse under her breath but she’s not sure, her own mind clouded by pleasure.</p><p>Siyeon starts slowly pumping her fingers and goes back to licking her, skin on skin this time. She’s just as good at it as Bora remembers, if not better. She alternates between directly stimulating her clit and teasing her by moving just to the side, first lightly, gradually increasing the pressure. She twists her fingers inside her with every thrust as her tongue continues to work magic on her. It feels gentle and extremely intense all at once. Bora is barely holding up, and this time she asks for a break.</p><p>She slightly tugs at Siyeon’s hair. “I don’t wanna come yet. That feels... so fucking amazing.”</p><p>Siyeon pulls away to look at Bora with those hungry wolf eyes, looking like she’s ready to devour her. She doesn’t stop for long before she continues to slowly fuck her with her fingers. This woman is going to drive her insane, in the best possible way.</p><p>Then her tongue makes contact with her clit again and the fireworks are back. It doesn’t even take half a minute until Bora's body starts to tense. Her fingers reach to tug at midnight black hair again. Siyeon doesn’t stop this time.</p><p>“Not yet… Ah- I want… more-”, Bora manages to get out.</p><p>Siyeon barely detaches herself to answer “I’m not going anywhere, Bora. Don’t worry…” It’s only a matter of seconds until her touches push Bora over the edge. Her entire body quivers, thighs attempting to close around Siyeon as her orgasm rocks through her. It’s the most intense one she’s ever had, dethroning the one she gave her last time. Siyeon doesn’t stop stimulating her until she’s completely spent. She licks both Bora and her fingers clean and comes back up to kiss her.</p><p>“Holy shit…”</p><p>Siyeon chuckles. “Thanks, but my ego doesn’t need any more feeding.”</p><p>She only gives Bora a quick rest before she starts caressing her body again, beginning the whole process all over again. Bora has no complaints. This time Siyeon ends up sideways on the bed perpendicular to Bora, lifting one of Bora's thighs behind her neck in order to stimulate her left to right, licking across her clitoral hood for a slightly more muted sensation, careful not to overstimulate her. Something tells Bora she hasn't even seen half the ways you can go down on a woman... yet.</p><p>After her second release, the room only smells like sex.</p><p>Siyeon comes up to quietly speak into Bora’s ear. “I could lick you clean again, but how about we take a bath instead?”</p><p>A bath sounds really nice right about now. “No objections here.”</p><p>Siyeon goes to draw them a bath, leaving Bora alone in the bedroom. She’s too blissed out to start overthinking now, even if she wanted to. After a few minutes Siyeon comes to let her know that the bath is ready. Bora follows her, shamelessly admiring her ass on the way. Damn, she really is perfect. Siyeon closes the door behind them and turns off the lights. The room is only lit by two candles. This isn’t just the hottest night Bora has ever experienced, it’s also the most romantic.</p><p>Siyeon hands her a hair tie, her own hair already up in a loose bun. She gets in the bath first, while Bora ties her hair, realizing that she’s never had a bath with anyone before.</p><p>She steps into the tub. The water is nice and warm, and it smells like something floral and sweet that she can’t quite put her finger on. She sits in front of Siyeon, resting her back against the taller woman’s front. It feels so right. Siyeon wraps her arms around Bora’s waist and Bora can’t help but wish she could stay here forever like this. Relaxed, comfortable, safe - the good kind of safe. Away from everything and everyone. Just her and Siyeon. It’s ridiculous, really, and she knows it’s partly the endorphins speaking, but Bora can’t help but think that this is what heaven must be like.</p><p>Then Siyeon‘s hands start to wander. They travel all over Bora’s skin and the warm water intensifies and dulls the sensations all at once. When she feels lips on the side of her neck she seizes one of the wandering hands and moves it towards the apex of her thighs. She’s already had a lot, but she wants more.</p><p>Siyeon lets her hand be moved between Bora’s legs. She parts her index and middle finger into a v-shape and starts running them up and down torturously slowly.</p><p>A beg escapes Bora’s lips. “Please…”</p><p>Siyeon’s fingers bring her to another orgasm before they make it out of the bath.</p><p>Bora feels like they were supposed to stop here, after cleaning up. But there’s one more thing she wants to do, and now that they’re fresh out of the bath would be the perfect moment. She almost did this five years ago and she’s not going to leave tonight without finally getting to try it.</p><p>Siyeon is still drying up, but by now Bora feels bold enough to interrupt her and push her against the bathroom wall.</p><p>“I want to taste you.”</p><p>Siyeon drops her towel.</p><p>“Really?” Her voice is low and dripping with desire.</p><p>“Really.” Bora kisses her once more before dropping to her knees and motioning Siyeon to lift one of her legs over her shoulder. This probably isn’t the most ideal position to do it for the first time, but Bora doesn’t want to wait anymore. She doesn’t hesitate before leaning in this time. She hears Siyeon hum in satisfaction as soon as her tongue touches her. Her skin tastes neutral, but when she dips her tongue lower she gets a proper taste of her arousal, and it makes her mind race with dirty thoughts. She tries to mimic the movements she enjoys herself, and when Siyeon's fingers start threading through her hair she feels comforted and reassured, like she has no reason to feel awkward or insecure about not exactly knowing if she's doing it right. Bora likes it that Siyeon isn't telling her what to do, but instead letting her try on her own and only occasionally letting her know verbally or nonverbally when something feels really good.</p><p>After some time, though, Siyeon's hand disappears from her hair.</p><p>"Bora…"</p><p>Bora immediately pulls away, worried.</p><p>"Did I do something wrong?"</p><p>Siyeon smiles. "You're doing great, but my legs are about to give out."</p><p>She sits at the edge of the bathtub and opens her legs. The dim candlelight illuminates her beautifully, drawing her silhouette against the white background. Bora moves to stand in front of her and holds her face with both hands, tilting it up. Something about the look in Siyeon's eyes makes her feel a whole swarm of butterflies in her stomach right before she leans in to kiss her. It feels like their lips were made for each other. She gets lost in the kiss until Siyeon sucks her lower lip and lets out a small whine and she remembers that she left her hanging. She wants to finish what she started.</p><p>She kneels in front of her again, and this time gets a better look before doing anything. She puts one hand behind Siyeon's back to make sure she's stable and continues, using her vision as a guide as well this time. She has a lot more access now and she uses it to taste every part of her. As she continues, Siyeon never stops getting wetter, more and more warm slick steadily seeping out of her. It’s so sexy. In fact, everything about this is sexy. From the different textures of her soft skin enhanced by the sensitivity of her tongue, to the quiet but lewd sounds the contact of their skin makes, to just the general satisfaction of being this intimate with her, of being able to give her pleasure in the way Bora herself enjoys receiving it the most. It takes a while, but when she manages to make Siyeon come just with her mouth, the only regret she has is not giving it a try last time.</p><p>Pleasuring Siyeon has fully reignited the flames inside Bora and she can't help but smile remembering the punchline of a joke she's heard before: How do lesbians stop having sex?</p><p>Even though she already dipped her toes in last time, it feels like a whole new world has finally been fully opened up to her tonight and she wants to explore it, all of it. She doesn’t want to stop.</p><p>They make up for years of fruitlessly yearning for each other, years of missing each other's presence, years of time wasted with people they never really cared about like each other. They keep making love the entire night, simply enjoying each other, pleasuring each other over and over again until exhaustion eventually kicks in. And that’s when Bora finally falls into a peaceful sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I need a gf can you tell :P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wakes up feeling Siyeon spoon her from behind, her arm draped over Bora’s chest, holding her in a comfortable embrace. It feels so different from last time. Siyeon’s warm skin against hers reminds her that last night was as real as can be, and the morning didn’t make it vanish. She’s still here in her arms and it still feels right.</p><p>Siyeon notices her wake up and kisses her shoulder. “Good morning, beautiful.” God, her actual morning voice is deep and crazy sexy.</p><p>“Morning.” Bora turns around in her arms. She looks just as breathtaking in the bright sunlight, barefaced and after staying up until dawn.</p><p>Siyeon moves closer to kiss her, softly at first, but then the small, soft touches of their lips turn into longer ones, until Bora’s hand goes to hold a fistful of Siyeon’s hair and her lips part, inviting Siyeon to deepen the kiss. Siyeon takes the invitation, sliding her tongue just past Bora’s lips to caress her tongue with hers. Her hand runs down Bora’s back, outlining the curve of her ass and her nails dig into the soft skin there. They’re both still drowsy from just having woken up and the kiss is still a lazy, slow morning kiss, but all the same it feels needier by the second. No matter how many times they had each other last night, it’s still not enough.</p><p>An idea that’s too tempting to ignore pops into Bora’s mind. “Don’t move.”</p><p>She sits up, uncovers Siyeon’s body and lies down next to her again, but facing her lower body this time. Her upper knee moves to Siyeon’s waist at the same time as Siyeon mirrors the movement.</p><p>“Yes…” The word comes out of Siyeon’s mouth as a satisfied sigh at realizing what she’s in for. She sounds like she can hardly believe it.</p><p>Bora gets a couple of seconds head start while Siyeon moves her head to rest on top of her thigh and her hand on her butt before she dives in to rub slow circles around her clit with her tongue.</p><p>It’s not Bora’s first time sixty-nining, but it’s the first time she enjoys it. And boy does she enjoy it.</p><p>When they’ve both reached their climax and she’s again lying next to Siyeon, who’s still catching her breath, her stomach makes a long and very audible grumble. After a few seconds of silence Siyeon bursts into uncontrollable laughter and it doesn’t take long for Bora to join her. It's the first time they've laughed together in years. She’s missed that unabashed cackle so much.</p><p>When they’ve calmed down, Siyeon looks at her.</p><p>“Tell me you’ll at least stay for breakfast this time.”</p><p>The way Siyeon is smiling at her, she wouldn’t deny her anything. Not that she was about to leave like last time, anyway.</p><p>“Of course.” Bora gives her one more peck before sitting up. She’s kissed her, all of her, so many times by now, that she doesn’t feel any hesitation anymore.</p><p>When she's sitting across the table from Siyeon wearing one of her robes and watching her eat a slice of toast with a good appetite, she feels something warm stir in her heart. It's not just the sex part that she doesn't want to have regrets about this time.</p><p>“I’d like to get to know you again.”</p><p>Siyeon looks at her and smiles, warm and genuine, still chewing on her toast.</p><p>Bora continues “I can’t promise you anything else, but I can promise that I’m not going to run away this time.”</p><p>“Can I take you out tomorrow? We don't have to call it a date or anything.”</p><p>“I’d really like that. And like I said, I can't promise you anything and I don't want to lead you on, but... I don't think I'm entirely against the idea of calling it a date.”</p><p>At hearing that, Siyeon's smile turns almost a bit shy and she looks down at her toast. For a moment, she looks just like she used to back in high school whenever Bora caught her staring at her.</p><p>On the way home, Bora can’t stop smiling. She feels invincible. She still doesn’t feel ready to put a label on her sexuality, but it doesn’t bother her right now. All that matters right now is that she feels happier than she's felt in a long time, maybe even happier than she's ever felt. And if Siyeon makes her this happy, then why keep fighting it? A small part of her tries to warn her about the consequences, but she chooses not to listen to it now. She doesn't want anything to taint this feeling. She only has to wait until tomorrow to see her again and it makes her heart race with excitement.</p><p>They catch up about everything that’s happened over the past five years, leaving out absolutely nothing but the details of their romantic relationships. Siyeon tells her that her father passed away two years ago, and the small inheritance he left behind helped her start her own interior design company right after graduation. Turns out that there's really nothing intimidating about Siyeon now, after all. She’s still the same Siyeon, she’s just successful, happy, comfortable in her own skin. Everything Bora wishes she could be too, although lately she's started feeling like if she just keeps going, she might slowly get there herself.</p><p>Now that the tension has been released and they can properly talk, it almost feels like they were never apart. She’s missed spending time with her so much. All the spontaneous little adventures they used to go on, sleepovers, movie nights, just spending time together talking about anything and everything, she's missed it all. Their personalities still match so well. Minji has been an amazing best friend too, but her and Siyeon connect on a different level. It feels like Siyeon truly gets her, down to her weird sense of humor that no one else seems to understand.</p><p>What if… What if she started dating Siyeon? Her parents already loved her as her best friend back in high school. Maybe they would accept her? Or what if they just don’t tell anyone? She could live with Siyeon just like she’s living with Minji now and no one would have to know… What about kids, though? Does she even want kids? She realizes that she’s getting way ahead of herself. What if she just forgets about the future for now? What if she just forgets about everything else and keeps living in the moment, just for herself? If it worked yesterday, it could work tomorrow too, and the day after that. Maybe she doesn’t need to have everything figured out, maybe it’s enough to just keep doing what makes her happy right now.</p><p>As the weeks pass, they continue going on dates that, to outsiders, look like nothing more than innocent meetings between two friends. They also continue their sleepovers at Siyeon’s place. Bora is completely hooked on indulging in everything she’s been missing out on. She feels like she's having a second sexual awakening, but this one is much more intense and thrilling than the first one she had as a teenager.</p><p>Sometimes she has trouble believing this is her real life and not just a wild fantasy, like when she finds herself propped up on the kitchen counter while Siyeon eats whipped cream off various parts of her body. Or when they spontaneously try roleplaying as naughty student and hot professor just for fun. One night, Siyeon surprises her with a strap-on harness that has a slot for a vibrating bullet at the base, and Bora finally climaxes while strapping her. It’s all she wants to do for a while, waking Siyeon up in the middle of the night to make love to her again and again. Luckily, Siyeon seems to be just as hooked on her, although she has heard the playfully uttered “You’ll be the death of me” more than once.</p><p>Maybe it’s all the sex she’s having, or maybe it’s because she’s not repressing her feelings anymore, but her nightmares have disappeared and her insomnia is mostly gone as well. Siyeon usually wakes up before her, but once, after a particularly sleepless night unrelated to insomnia, Bora finds her in the morning still fast asleep. She reaches to brush away a stray strand of hair from her face. She looks so peaceful and innocent. Bora feels an overwhelming urge to protect her. To keep her safe and make sure nothing will ever hurt her. She’s never felt like that about a partner before.</p><p>Spending time with Siyeon has proved many of her fears to be wrong. For one, she had always been under the impression that non-straight relationships always have a top and a bottom, one that wears the pants and the other one that doesn’t. Turns out it’s not like that at all with Siyeon, although Bora’s inexperience and Siyeon’s constant need to make sure she’s comfortable does still affect their dynamic to some extent. Regardless, neither of them ‘wears the pants’ and they can both have their moments of being the more active or passive one when they please. It feels so refreshing.</p><p>No matter how many days and nights they’ve spent together, they still haven’t put a label on their relationship or met each other’s current social circles. Minji is the only person Bora has even told of Siyeon’s existence since they've started spending time together.</p><p>At the start of the cherry blossom season, Siyeon takes her on a picnic date by the Han river. Even though they’re surrounded by clouds of beautiful flowers in full bloom, Bora only has eyes for one flower, the most lovely and enchanting of them all. She still takes her breath away. She wishes she could kiss her right now, but there are way too many people around. There’s no way to avoid getting caught.</p><p>When they’re packed up and walking by the river, they pass one of Bora’s exes. It doesn’t really make her feel anything, but it does make her think about the contrast between the feelings she’s had for any of her exes and the feelings she has for the woman next to her. She takes Siyeon’s hand and interlaces their fingers. It’s not going to look too suspicious to anyone else, but it’s still extremely meaningful to her. Siyeon glances at her in surprise, and after seeing Bora’s confident expression she holds her hand tighter and smiles.</p><p>Bora feels ready to take another step, even if it’s just another baby step for now.</p><p>“Would you like to come over some day? My bed is much smaller than yours, but I’d like you to properly meet Minji and-”</p><p>“I’d love to.”</p><p>The next week, Bora takes Siyeon to her place for the first time. They all watch a horror movie together and Bora finds herself alternating between hiding behind Minji and holding Siyeon’s hand. Luckily, Minji and Siyeon hit it off right away and keep chatting after the movie, although Bora feels like dying of embarrassment when Minji asks if she’ll need to sleep with earplugs tonight.</p><p>By the time they’ve said good night to Minji and closed the bedroom door it’s already late. When Bora is in the middle of changing into her nightdress, Siyeon stops her by hugging her naked body from behind. Bora smiles to herself. Did she really think they’d be able to keep their hands off each other tonight?</p><p>“Siyeon… Minji is right next door.”</p><p>Her breath ghosts over Bora’s shoulder. “We can be quiet.”</p><p>Bora smirks. “That would be a first.”</p><p>Siyeon playfully slaps her butt.</p><p>“Siyeon! She can definitely hear that.”, Bora whisper-yells and turns to face her.</p><p>“Sorry.” The way Siyeon looks a bit shy and mischievous at the same time is so endearing. She’s irresistible. Bora grabs her by the collar and captures her eager lips.</p><p>In no time, Siyeon’s clothes have been discarded too. She breaks their kiss and hesitates for a moment, biting her lip, before asking “Can I teach you something?”</p><p>Until now Siyeon has been so focused on being respectful, that as a result Bora’s been the one to mostly set the pace at which they take things further, both in and out of the bedroom. She realizes she hasn’t really stopped to ask what Siyeon wants, but that’s also because Siyeon seems to love everything they do together. If there’s something Siyeon wants to teach her, of course she’s willing to learn.</p><p>“Sure, what is it?”</p><p>“Let me show you.”</p><p>She gently shoves Bora on the bed and crawls on top of her. She takes her time warming her up, kissing and touching her like she usually would, but then she puts her hands under Bora’s thighs and pushes her knees back. When she lowers herself and their sexes come into full contact, Bora gasps in pleasure. They’ve come close before, but she’d never thought of actually, properly doing this. She’d always thought it’s something that mainly happens in porn movies, but now that she thinks about it, it actually feels a bit weird that they’ve done so much together, yet they’ve never been intimate and close together like this before.</p><p>Then Siyeon slowly rubs against her. She feels so good.</p><p>Siyeon lies down fully on top of her and she’s already panting a little against Bora’s lips when she whispers “How is it?”</p><p>“It’s incredible. Please don’t stop.”</p><p>Siyeon starts moving her hips just a little bit faster in response. Bora can tell that Siyeon really, really likes this. She has this cute and sexy trait that makes her cheeks and chest flush pink when she’s really turned on, and she’s already bright pink. Soon Bora has to pull her in for a kiss to muffle her soft moans.</p><p>Siyeon comes so fast. She has a lot of trouble staying quiet when she does, her hips stuttering, breath hitching, until she goes limp against her. Bora is turned on out of her mind.</p><p>“Damn, babe, why didn’t you tell me you want to do this sooner?” Wait, did she just call Siyeon ‘babe’? Bora ignores it for now and Siyeon seems to be too high on pleasure to notice or even reply to her question. Later on she’ll find out that this is something special to Siyeon and she never does it in a casual relationship, because the stronger your feelings are, the better and more meaningful it feels.</p><p>“You said you wanted to teach me, does that mean I get to try as well? Can you come for me again?”</p><p>“Yes. Please...” Siyeon whispers.</p><p>They switch positions and Bora is now on top. She ends up in a slightly different position on top of Siyeon, but decides to just go with it. She starts riding Siyeon, trying to find the way of moving her hips that brings her the most pleasure. Everything she’s trying seems to get just as much of a reaction out of Siyeon, though, as she keeps letting out soft whimpers that she tries to hide by biting the back of her wrist, her eyebrows scrunched in pleasure. Bora soon finds the angle that hits the spot just right, repeating the movement over and over again.</p><p>She leans in more to hover closer on top of Siyeon, whose hands find their place on her back, one reaching just around her waist. She can tell that Siyeon is trying her best to hold her gaze despite the overwhelming pleasure she’s feeling.</p><p>“Am I doing good?” She already knows the answer, but she wants to hear it from Siyeon.</p><p>“You're doing so good. Fuck-”</p><p>She leans in to kiss Siyeon, but attempting to muffle both of their sounds with a messy kiss is pointless by now. Minji has already heard them for sure.</p><p>“Oh god, Bora-”</p><p>It’s not much louder than a whisper, but the ecstasy in Siyeon’s voice confirms that her orgasm has already been triggered and it's just about to hit her. It pushes Bora over the edge too, and the way Siyeon's hips start bucking up a little just intensifies the feeling. It’s the first time they come exactly at the same time without even trying, breathing into the small space between their lips. Bora keeps kissing her and softly grinding herself against her for minutes before pulling back just a little. She doesn’t want to let go.</p><p>The way Siyeon is looking at her... She looks so vulnerable. Her eyes are soft, like a tamed wolf. Her wolf. She kisses her again. <em>Mine.</em></p><p>Her lips spontaneously express what she's thinking, what she’s been thinking for a while.</p><p>“I think I'm in love with you.”</p><p>Siyeon's expression softens even more. Her hand comes up to hold Bora's cheek.</p><p>“I've always been in love with you, Bora.” Her voice is steady and sure, the look in her eyes raw and honest.</p><p>Bora's eyes start filling with tears. Siyeon takes her hand and gives it a kiss. Her eyes are starting to look watery too, and her voice is less steady when she says it again. “I love you so much.”</p><p>Bora lets out a sob and Siyeon pulls her close. The floodgates open and she cries into Siyeon's hair. They're happy tears, but it still hurts. What hurts the most is that she waited so long, that she almost lost her for good. She cries her heart out while Siyeon gently strokes her hair, holding her impossibly close, sniffling every now and then herself.</p><p>When Bora starts calming down, she lifts her head to look at Siyeon. Her eyes are red and puffy and she looks like a cute and sad puppy. Her puppy. Her baby wolf.</p><p>“Mine.” She whispers it against soft lips that taste like tears, probably her own. “You're mine.”</p><p>A small and hopeful smile starts tugging at Siyeon's lips. “If I'm yours, then... What does that make us?”</p><p>Bora starts smiling too, but then turns serious. “Siyeon… You know I’m not ready to come out to everyone yet, right? You know a small part of me is still scared, right?”</p><p>“I know, Bora. But I hope you also know that I’m always here to protect you. And some day, you won’t be scared anymore. I’m sure of it.”</p><p>“Then…” She only pauses for a second before asking. “I’m ready, Siyeon. Will you... Will you be my girlfriend?”</p><p>“Nothing would make me happier.” Bora knows that she means it.</p><p>“Girlfriend it is, then.”</p><p>They're both smiling like the biggest idiots. Siyeon pulls Bora closer again. “Come here, girlfriend”. Bora lets out a shaky chuckle and rests her head on Siyeon's chest, her arms holding her in a snug embrace. Bora closes her eyes, listening to Siyeon's steady breathing and her gradually calming heartbeat. She could stay here forever.</p><p>~~~</p><p>A couple of weeks later, after Bora’s graduation, they organize a party for both of their closest friends, using it as an excuse to come out as a couple to them. It was Bora’s idea. Siyeon is already out to all of her friends and many of them are also a part of the LGBT community, so they don’t even bat an eye at the news. The couple of friends that Bora invited are surprised, but accepting. It makes Bora feel so relieved.</p><p>She’s still not ready to kiss Siyeon in public, but that’s alright. Not every couple has to show their affection in front of others. In a way, it feels more precious to keep their love safe and hide it away from judgement, at least for now.</p><p>When the time is right, she’ll come out to her family. Times are slowly changing. Maybe they’ll take it better than she anticipates. If not, she’ll give them time. And if they still don’t accept her, it’s their loss.</p><p>The most important thing is that Bora accepts herself now. She isn’t going to waste any more of her life living it for someone else. She knows it won’t always be easy, but Siyeon is worth it. Bora herself is worth it. She can’t change the past, but from now on she won’t let fear stand in the way of her happiness.</p><p>She’s gained back her old friend. Her soulmate. There's no doubt in her mind now that that's what Siyeon is to her. And this time, no matter what, she won’t be letting go of her again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The end! For real this time :)</p><p>Thanks so much to everyone for reading, commenting, leaving kudos and just being supportive ♥ It has really made this a positive writing experience for me and I’m so happy and humbled that so many people liked this even though it's far from perfect :)</p><p>~~~</p><p>(If anyone wants to write Siyeon eating whipped cream off Bora’s body I’ll be happy to read 👀 I almost did but I didn’t want to add another smut scene without a purpose in this last chapter)</p><p>(And yes that naughty student / hot professor roleplay was a Forbidden Project reference 🤭 Go read if you haven’t yet! bit.ly/2KtJlGm)</p><p>~~~</p><p>Honestly finishing this story made me a little depressed too because I need a girlfriend sooo bad ahh TT</p>
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